Drop those drawers!

Well, the plan- for the time being, is in place and will be executed at 4:00pm, Thursday, November 1.  And yes, it involves needles and yet again, my butt.  And this time around, we are ADDING not taking away He even laughed when I said—let me guess a shot in my butt.  I swear that man thrives on needles. 

And this is how my week started… Monday, with Mae Ling riding shotgun, I met with Dr K and his arsenal of plans.  We (as I really had a choice) are going with the shots and pill plan.  I will continue to get my Lupron shot and Faslodex will be added at the same time. With a straight face, I was assured Faslodex does not have side effects.  His face may have been straight but the look in his eyes as he tried to avoid me said… you are my special one and something will pop up.  I ignored him as we got to the pill thing.  His reasoning at this point- you have been through chemo, so this will be easy. This time he was smiling.  The pill in question is Ibrance which has me entering hormonal therapy from what I gather.  I looked it up and the front page says welcome to your new normal.  Seriously???!!  I had harsh words for the person who came up with that gem. As for the side effects… kinda like a low dose chemo yet it is not a chemo pill.  Do not ask me.  I give on this crap.  Anywho…example would be hair thinning and not hair loss.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that Scarlett and Lizzie stay in their places, but that I will be able to give up shaving.  Aside from the whole saving my life thing… there has to be a benefit in there somewhere.  Back to the side effects.  The most serious one is the lowering of the white blood cells and with my record, this bothers me a bit.  I have stocked up on thermometers, so I am ready.  I am not sure how long I will be on this, but the pills are 21 days on and 7 days off. And I am not allowed grapefruit or grapefruit juice or St Johns Wort.  I told him that would be a major sacrifice on my part.  He agreed.  At this point I did ask about sugar and he said go for it.  Smart man.

At this point, we also discussed a clinical trial which is radiation to the offending node.  He feels I am a good candidate—young and in good health.  I looked at him and said aside from the whole Stage 4 thing—right. He smiled and said right.  I asked about surgery to remove the node and he said it was a possibility and he was going to call Dr Lynn and a Radiation Oncologist to discuss.  I told him I was seeing Dr Lynn in the morning and he said he would call.   That was that and off we went. 

Then came the next morning.  I left (by myself, Mae Ling was relieved of her duties for the day) rather early, yet I still encountered the traffic mess at Topsail High School.  Amazing how stupid people are.  Let’s block the green light people so traffic is backed up for miles. At this point I realized I need to call and luckily was only 10 minutes late—I did not need that grief from her.   I get called in – skipped the scales and the BP and I sat waiting.  The good Dr comes in, says you know this is a social call and I am like um, no, you and Dr K were supposed to talk. She gives me this look—and I just know.  At this point she calls him.  I have to admit it was rather entertaining from where I was sitting.  I could hear his calm voice, but I could see her rolling eyes, yet I knew both were on top of their games, listening to each other but also voicing their thoughts and opinions.  They hang up and she explains her issue with the surgery—she could do it, but she does not want to.  Because the node is on the left side and the size of it, she feels lymphedema is a given and she does not want me to have that pain.  So, we agreed she would see if it shrinks and if it gets to the point she can remove it with a good possibility of no lymphedema, she would.  I think she may have rolled her eyes.

So, that is how I will end up on November 1 with 3 shots in my butt and a pill I need to take with food the same time every day for 21 days.  There will be a blood draw and a onetime booster shot on November 15 and we will repeat the blood draw and 3 shots on December 5.  I will also have an MRI on November 15 to make sure the left breast is free of anything which would give me the go ahead for the radiation trial.  And, from what I was told by Dr K’s nurse today, I am being presented to the breast cancer tumor group.  I have been discussed by this group a few times and I should get an award or something.  Then again, living could be considered the award.  I need to ponder this.

On another note—the cruise Billy and I were going on- I was the one to pull the plug.  We were to dock in Florida the morning of November 1 and while there were a few flights (2) that might have gotten me back in time, I decided the stress of trying to get there would kill me, so it has been postponed.  

As always, I am humbled by everyone and every gesture.  A special shout out to the childhood friend who sent a ton of donuts this week.  I cried,and I will say, they were much better than those pies that were made for Joey. 

I am blessed!

Take 3

Here I go again and no, not Dolly Parton.  However, I have upped the ante this time and there is no turning back. As if I have a choice.  For those of you new to this- and since it has been 2.5 years—here is the basic cast of characters:

·        Me- no introduction needed.  Golden child on and off for the past 7 years.  On for the foreseeable future.  Never been an overachiever before now. Stage 4.  Figures.

·        Mom aka Mae Ling- queen of clean sheets, soft toilet paper, lead cheerleader and chief prayer. There is more but I would like to keep my clean sheets and soft toilet paper.  Not to mention clean underwear.

·        Billy- Cruise/Vacation giver.  I get cancer, he funds the vacations.  Score! However, he is a crappy nurse and was fired more than once.  I do admit to showing him my bald head the first go-round more than I should have, but it was enjoyable to me.

·        Dr Jones—Primary who gave me Dr Lynn, who gave me Dr Kotz and Dr Nichols.  She is awesome, and I love her. She currently has no idea this is happening, and I dread my November appointment.

·        Dr Lynn—my surgeon. A pain in the ass.  Giver and taketh awayer of Portia the Port (well, kinda). Yelling ouch when there is a needle in the vicinity never gets old.  She really does have a heart.  And rolls her eyes when she meets someone else who knows me.  Which is apparently a frequent occurrence.

·        Dr Kotz- aka Dr K.  My oncologist. My brilliant oncologist.  The man who promised to keep me safe and when I asked, to make me comfortable if ever needed. I do whatever he tells me to. Evil when it comes to suggesting colonoscopies.

·        The P’s

o   Pia—offending right incredible shrinking boob (lobbed off eventually)

o   Portia- my port—which is currently in a frame in Dr Lynn’s office

o   Pedro the pic line—got him when Portia ruptured. In a landfill somewhere.  Good riddance.

That covers the cast for a moment so onto a recap of the whole cancer crap:

1.     I found the lump myself December 5, 2011.

2.      Biopsy December 29 with Dr Lynn who uttered those famous words “I do not need a biopsy to know it is cancer.”

3.      Lumpectomy January 6,2012.  The look on her face in recovery told the story—my hair was history.

4.      January 30—started 6 rounds of chemo—lasted until end of May. Lost hair, did not have to shave and ended up on the 10^th floor 4 out of 6 chemos. Drove Dr K nuts. Portia ruptured (Dr Lynn has never had that happen—Gold Star for me!) Got Pedro for the last 2 chemos.   6.5 weeks of cremation; Labor Day weekend in hospital due to infection—of course.  That was when Pia became pia as she had to be packed-for months.

5.     Golden until April 12, 2016.  That was the 3 cm tumor which the paid Radiologist missed. The congratulations you have a clear mammogram is awaiting a frame.  I have it within reach whenever I feel boobless

6.     2017 (I don’t remember exact date as it was changed, and I want to forget the whole thing) tram to make a boob in place of Pia. Stupidest thing I ever did.  Belly boob. Still small. 

Fast forward to 2018…

Near the end of August, I found a swollen lymph node under the left arm (Pia was the right) but I was not too worried as I was to see Dr Kotz on September 12. Of course Florence had other ideas so I finally saw him October 4 and the look on his face told the story—he was worried.  And while I had to wait to see Dr. Lynn until the 11^th—a previous scheduled appointment, he did call and clued her in.  She did an ultra sound, which showed the pesky sucker and then the biopsy.  I continued the tradition of yelling ouch when she was not near me and she told me to shut up.  As usual, I ignored her.  We then talked about the possibilities and she promised to call with the results.  And she did.  It was the same type as what Pia had 2 years ago.  Somehow a very miniscule cell made it across the chest and latched onto a lovely, pesky lymph node.  Which made it Stage 4.  To be clear—Stage 4 is not curable, but is it is manageable and treatable.  Needless to say, treatment as well as time left rested on the results of the PET scan.  Hell, no pressure at all here. None.  This time, I knew I was a Stage 4 going in- last time I would have been a Stage 4—big difference.  Spreading was not good as that would have considerably made a dent in my life span.  And yes, this time it was Dr Lynn who I asked if I would make it to Christmas as I already had the menu planned.  She might have rolled her eyes and choked a bit.  Anyway, on Oct 17,  I bopped on down to the Medical Mall – with Mae Ling as my wingman. Paid the bill (which incidentally made me hit my deductible.  The county starts in July, so I am impressed I am done so early), went into procedure and as I stretched out on the long bench, I promptly went to sleep during the scan.  I was told I purred and did not snore like the others that day. Then back to home to wait.  As it was in the afternoon, I figured I would not hear until Thursday morning. And since there was a Friends meeting at 9:30 I just knew I would get the call by 10.  I did—walked out and was told that aside from the obviously cancerous lymph node, it was clear.  Sadly, I was not thinking when I said so the liver and brain are clear.  Dr Lynn was silent for a moment and then the you idiot, we did not scan you brain comment was made.  I had just started to register what I had said as she regained her voice. 

So, tomorrow at 11 am I will be greeted by the vampires at Zimmer and at 1130 am I will be told what the plan is by Dr Kotz.  Yes, told.  I do not have a say in this.  I will whine if he tells me I need to cancel that short cruise Billy and I are supposed to be going on a week from today (Sunday). But not much. Then I will go to work where I will FINALLY work on that November schedule (or so I hope).

Lastly, I really am good with it all.  I have been good from the start as I know I have years.  I would also like to point out that I did not join a gym (that happened with the last 2) and I did not say now what or what next. 

I am at peace with whatever happens as well, I am a Child of God and he has me covered.