Take 3

Here I go again and no, not Dolly Parton.  However, I have upped the ante this time and there is no turning back. As if I have a choice.  For those of you new to this- and since it has been 2.5 years—here is the basic cast of characters:

·        Me- no introduction needed.  Golden child on and off for the past 7 years.  On for the foreseeable future.  Never been an overachiever before now. Stage 4.  Figures.

·        Mom aka Mae Ling- queen of clean sheets, soft toilet paper, lead cheerleader and chief prayer. There is more but I would like to keep my clean sheets and soft toilet paper.  Not to mention clean underwear.

·        Billy- Cruise/Vacation giver.  I get cancer, he funds the vacations.  Score! However, he is a crappy nurse and was fired more than once.  I do admit to showing him my bald head the first go-round more than I should have, but it was enjoyable to me.

·        Dr Jones—Primary who gave me Dr Lynn, who gave me Dr Kotz and Dr Nichols.  She is awesome, and I love her. She currently has no idea this is happening, and I dread my November appointment.

·        Dr Lynn—my surgeon. A pain in the ass.  Giver and taketh awayer of Portia the Port (well, kinda). Yelling ouch when there is a needle in the vicinity never gets old.  She really does have a heart.  And rolls her eyes when she meets someone else who knows me.  Which is apparently a frequent occurrence.

·        Dr Kotz- aka Dr K.  My oncologist. My brilliant oncologist.  The man who promised to keep me safe and when I asked, to make me comfortable if ever needed. I do whatever he tells me to. Evil when it comes to suggesting colonoscopies.

·        The P’s

o   Pia—offending right incredible shrinking boob (lobbed off eventually)

o   Portia- my port—which is currently in a frame in Dr Lynn’s office

o   Pedro the pic line—got him when Portia ruptured. In a landfill somewhere.  Good riddance.

That covers the cast for a moment so onto a recap of the whole cancer crap:

1.     I found the lump myself December 5, 2011.

2.      Biopsy December 29 with Dr Lynn who uttered those famous words “I do not need a biopsy to know it is cancer.”

3.      Lumpectomy January 6,2012.  The look on her face in recovery told the story—my hair was history.

4.      January 30—started 6 rounds of chemo—lasted until end of May. Lost hair, did not have to shave and ended up on the 10^th floor 4 out of 6 chemos. Drove Dr K nuts. Portia ruptured (Dr Lynn has never had that happen—Gold Star for me!) Got Pedro for the last 2 chemos.   6.5 weeks of cremation; Labor Day weekend in hospital due to infection—of course.  That was when Pia became pia as she had to be packed-for months.

5.     Golden until April 12, 2016.  That was the 3 cm tumor which the paid Radiologist missed. The congratulations you have a clear mammogram is awaiting a frame.  I have it within reach whenever I feel boobless

6.     2017 (I don’t remember exact date as it was changed, and I want to forget the whole thing) tram to make a boob in place of Pia. Stupidest thing I ever did.  Belly boob. Still small. 

Fast forward to 2018…

Near the end of August, I found a swollen lymph node under the left arm (Pia was the right) but I was not too worried as I was to see Dr Kotz on September 12. Of course Florence had other ideas so I finally saw him October 4 and the look on his face told the story—he was worried.  And while I had to wait to see Dr. Lynn until the 11^th—a previous scheduled appointment, he did call and clued her in.  She did an ultra sound, which showed the pesky sucker and then the biopsy.  I continued the tradition of yelling ouch when she was not near me and she told me to shut up.  As usual, I ignored her.  We then talked about the possibilities and she promised to call with the results.  And she did.  It was the same type as what Pia had 2 years ago.  Somehow a very miniscule cell made it across the chest and latched onto a lovely, pesky lymph node.  Which made it Stage 4.  To be clear—Stage 4 is not curable, but is it is manageable and treatable.  Needless to say, treatment as well as time left rested on the results of the PET scan.  Hell, no pressure at all here. None.  This time, I knew I was a Stage 4 going in- last time I would have been a Stage 4—big difference.  Spreading was not good as that would have considerably made a dent in my life span.  And yes, this time it was Dr Lynn who I asked if I would make it to Christmas as I already had the menu planned.  She might have rolled her eyes and choked a bit.  Anyway, on Oct 17,  I bopped on down to the Medical Mall – with Mae Ling as my wingman. Paid the bill (which incidentally made me hit my deductible.  The county starts in July, so I am impressed I am done so early), went into procedure and as I stretched out on the long bench, I promptly went to sleep during the scan.  I was told I purred and did not snore like the others that day. Then back to home to wait.  As it was in the afternoon, I figured I would not hear until Thursday morning. And since there was a Friends meeting at 9:30 I just knew I would get the call by 10.  I did—walked out and was told that aside from the obviously cancerous lymph node, it was clear.  Sadly, I was not thinking when I said so the liver and brain are clear.  Dr Lynn was silent for a moment and then the you idiot, we did not scan you brain comment was made.  I had just started to register what I had said as she regained her voice. 

So, tomorrow at 11 am I will be greeted by the vampires at Zimmer and at 1130 am I will be told what the plan is by Dr Kotz.  Yes, told.  I do not have a say in this.  I will whine if he tells me I need to cancel that short cruise Billy and I are supposed to be going on a week from today (Sunday). But not much. Then I will go to work where I will FINALLY work on that November schedule (or so I hope).

Lastly, I really am good with it all.  I have been good from the start as I know I have years.  I would also like to point out that I did not join a gym (that happened with the last 2) and I did not say now what or what next. 

I am at peace with whatever happens as well, I am a Child of God and he has me covered.